~Dreams.
There are two kinds of dreams.
The first is one that happens late at night and catches us off guard. We have no control of it and might be the clearest reflection of our sub consciousness. The other is something that we might think about all day. We plan and aspire, all in an aim to control our destiny.
The first scares me. I have many dreamless nights but the certain few occasional dreams freaks me out. Its so real that i can feel it or so i think.
I cried my heart out, the tears trickling down my face, the surrounding was all blur, my heart ached, I winched in pain and wailed. I slumped on the floor and wailed. I felt miserable and vulnerable. I felt weak and dependent. I sought sympathy in self pity.
I woke up and touched my face, thank goodness it was dry. I woke up and touched my pillow, thank goodness it was dry.
I laid in bed and looked at the ceiling above. I felt carefree and heaved a sigh of relief. I finally confronted my fears. I finally let go of my emotions. I finally need not be the person i want to be portrayed as. I finally let my guard down, pulled down the walls. I finally let it go.
I did what i know was not the right thing to do. But in dreams, you don't have any control. That is when i can be free.
I remembered that i cried for a long while, stood up and walked away. I walked away as a stronger person with my head held high. And a tonne lighter. Free enough.
Surprisingly, i only had the courage to do what i wanted to do in my dreams. I only found courage in the darkness of the night when i held no control of my actions, thinking or emotions.
This is when i know i no longer know myself.
In the aim to be strong, i actually became a coward.
Sun tanned on: 7:51 PM