Inspired by I so want to be Happy- Sumiko Tan, The Sunday Times, Today
Slept in late again today. I woke up to Rochor soya bean milk and velvety smooth egg tarts. I flipped open the newspaper with dad at my side doing madness Sudoku. Oh i just remembered, "Happy Father's Day" i squealed.
Last night, or rather yesterday. Was such a different scene. I lamented my "ill-fatedness" to a couple of gal pals who are sweet enough to withstand those phone calls which starts with " I am so angry, I am gonna scream!!" (drawing stares at the mrt station). Encouraging sms-es were sent, caring words were sent across the phone. So what if Mr Beasely, went to the other side of the moon and disappeared? (I am listening to Corrinne May).
Trying to be strong, independent, focused, decisive gal so many people described me to be. I felt the need to stand up for myself the way i stand up for my work. So what if i just realised Cloud nine was just nothing but an illusion, and there i came tumbling back to earth again. Who was the person who said " I know there is no sustainability in this. I am fully aware that things are not what i wished them to be. I will be able to handle it." The pretty naive, lil Syeyuet.
That person went on to declare that she will date her reports, fall in love with her dreams and marry her aspirations. Gah, just when will that naivety end?
Then, i read the article. All these chasing for your dreams, its staring right in your face. So many days and nights racing for the all elusive goal, against time, perception, confidence and space. I forgot all about the good things that happened.
When happy things happen, the feeling lingers on and fades. When awful things happen, the pain magnify by itself and stares at you in the face.
Have i mentioned i was so glad to meet the gals for dinner after such a long time? Have i mentioned how fun it will be to celebrate Father's Day? Have i declared that i feel that Alas, i found a goal?
Enjoying the privileges of a holiday- to sit back, throw my legs up, hair still messed up, sip my cool soya bean milk, warm egg tarts, flipping through today's newspapers.
My happiness has always been here. This disappointment, well when things are beyond you, stop fighting it. I am beginning to practise what i preach, for once.
" Thank you, gals. I want you all to be happy to because you make me happy"
